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                  當前位置: 愛情故事情感網 -> 傷感日志 -> 女人抽煙喝酒算不算壞女人?

                  女人抽煙喝酒算不算壞女人?

                  訪問數:5205次 作者編輯乙 發表日期:2011-06-30 20:25:25

                  在父母眼里,我是一個壞孩子。我頹廢,我墮落。

                    在朋友眼里,我是一個壞孩子。我抽煙,我喝酒。

                    在老師眼里,我是一個壞孩子。我犯規,我違紀。

                    在自己眼里,我也是一個壞孩子,一個無可奈何的壞孩子。

                  女人抽煙喝酒算不算壞女人 ?

                    我常常在想,自己為什么會變壞。明明自己也曾優秀過,也曾輝煌過。后來,我明白了。他們說我是壞孩子,因為我是女子。是女子,當然不能抽煙喝酒,那些意味著風塵。是女子,當然不能違規犯紀,那些意味著墮落。對于一個女子而言,墮落就等于下賤。我一直在想,我到底是自甘墮落,還是天意弄人。別人告訴我,自甘墮落的人總喜歡拿天意弄人做借口。于是,我告訴別人,我是自甘墮落.我告訴自己任何人都有權力去疲憊,就讓自己放任一回,畢竟,我已經堅強得太久太久了。生命里一次次巧合和意外堆積而成的悲哀,我無力抗拒。我感覺自己被壓在了幽深的水底,一層層捆綁,我可以看見陽光,卻永遠不能觸碰。我習慣了別人把我看成壞孩子,習慣了痛和眼淚,我問自己,這一切苦難到底從何而來。因為,我是女子。

                  我常常把自己關在房間里,一根接一根的抽煙。煙對于我,是心靈的麻醉。我用煙蒂燙自己的手,每一次疼痛都讓我慶幸,原來自己真的還活著。我從來不對任何人示弱,一副居高臨下的樣子。只是在打雷的時候,我會蹲下來,抱住頭,淚流滿面。我的一切灰色記憶,都在雷雨天。只有在這個時候,我才會渴望,有人抱抱我。

                  我相信幸福對每個人都是公平的,我相信我失去的有一天會回到我身邊,我相信,我會再次被幸福縈繞。這一切,都只是我相信的,因為我是女子。因為,我要活下去。

                  有時候,我想把自己變成一個徹頭徹尾的壞女子。我試過很多次,去恨,去報復。可是,我不是天才,太多事www.gzznjs.com,我學不會。我仍然會在初冬之夜,習慣性的思念,思念每一個值得我思念的人。那些逝去的美好,可以給我真正的溫暖,雖然,那些溫暖,只能思念,不能擁抱。

                  一直以來,我放肆的笑。我明白,這種縱情下面潛伏著滅亡。我一直都知道,我www.gzznjs.com上的那種感覺,它叫疼痛。讓我愛www.gzznjs.com上疼痛的那種感覺,它叫寒冷。讓我感覺寒冷的那種感覺。它叫寂寞。而讓我寂寞的那種感覺,叫作恨。讓我開始恨的那種感覺,卻叫愛。是,毀了我的,它叫愛。
                  我的心底一直都住著一只困獸,它在善與惡、理性與感性的邊緣掙扎徘徊,撕扯著我的心。我沒有反抗,任由它,撕碎了自己的世界。
                  我一直明白,我是個殘廢,折斷了快樂的翅膀,飛不出悲傷的海洋。
                  因為,我是女子,一個壞女子。

                  我心痛到哭不出來!

                  13    2

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